Sometimes things just make me smile. Certain songs playing in the background as my son smiles. The look of my wife's face as she plays with one of our boys. Noticing how much my uncles, cousins, and myself resemble my grandfather that just passed away. Visiting an old high school haunt with an old high school friend. 63 degree weather at 6:30 am in July on my front porch with coffee in hand. A simple new song cutting through the seizure inducing, frantic pace of today's media. "Aint gonna lose you" by Brett Dennen. I'm smiling more lately.
A funny thing happened a few weeks ago. I was in a church service at the church that my family just became a member of (Downtown Pres.) At the end of the service Pastor Brian Habig suggested something for people reaching out for God, a simple prayer: "Lord I can't find you, will you find me, please".
I have spent my whole life trying so hard to find God, earn His favor, catch His attention, etc... Trying to earn grace is like trying to count to infinity. The very definition of grace tells you that it can't be earned, yet so many of us fill the church buildings, buy the christian self help books, prescribe to the latest "five steps to Jesus" method because we can't get it through our heads that there is nothing, nothing, nothing, NOTHING we can do to save ourselves, earn God's love, or merit His favor. Oh what a relief that is. Needless to say, He found me. In a way I could never have found Him. When God reveals himself to you it's like something out of Song of Solomon. It's so personal it almost feels like you shouldn't be talking about it in public. It's like a seduction, it's romance at its best, it is indescribable. When God comes to you it makes you get out of bed hours before you have to, just to spend time with Him, even when you are exhausted, knowing He will give you the strength you need to get through the day. It gives you a different perspective on life. It makes you smile more. It makes life better. It makes you feel the way that people in church always told you that you would feel if you had a personal relationship with Christ. And all I had to do was... nothing. It's grace. The glory of it all, why God deserves all the praise man has to give and more is because it is He who reaches down to us, the wretched, to pick us out of the mire, arrogance, selfishness, and faithlessness to hold us close to Himself. It is, has always been, and will always be, Christ alone that saves. Amen.
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